Movie Monday: How to shower like a dyke?

Apparently this video has been watched no less than 1.6 million times. Wow. It begs the question though: how do you shower like a dyke? (Tip: you won't find an appropriate answer on google... or youtube ... ahem).

Personally, my bathing routine falls somewhere between straight boy and straight girl. I can accurately hit a bath mat, and I only require one bathing product, which costs less than £2.

Perhaps accurately placing yourself on the butch/femme spectrum no longer requires a complicated range of questions about motorcycle parts and cut of underwear - we could cut it right down to 2 questions: how many items do you require in the shower, and what is the total value of those items?

We don't have a shower usable in the shack at the mo (strictly summer only as it's virtually out-doors and pretty much cold). We have a nice 60s bath though.

This morning's bath routine went something like:

• Make a hot water bottle and wrap bath towel around it to compensate for lack of heating in the shack.
• Run bath.
• Get in bath.
• Swim around being very grateful to be so small and feeling sorry for normal sized people who can't entirely float in a standard size bath.
• Wash with bath stuff (only have one bottle: Tesco bedtime baby bath with lavendar)
• Wonder why there are so many bottles round the bath and remember that a straight girl has moved in.
• Wash hair with same bath stuff - very small amount due to grade 4 buzz cut.
• Shave armpits (every day, can't bear the feeling of not doing it).
• Hear dog scratching at the door to be let in.
• Stand up, grab towel, which is big, and dip one corner in the bath water. Always.
• Dry hair (1 second)
• Wrap towel around me.
• Run to back door to let dog in.
• Follow dog into bedroom, picking up dog-mud on feet as I go.
• Find cat sitting on my laptop watching youTube.
• Take picture on camera phone.
• Send to friend.
• Realise I have dripped all over the bed.
• Get dried.
• Get paranoid about lack of curtains despite living in the middle of nowhere.
• Dress quickly despite not being properly dry.
• Feel stupid for being paranoid. And damp.

Et tu?