Big Brother's Big Lesbian: Clash of the not so Titans

Well, I spent another evening in the studio of Big Brother’s Big Mouth, Mr X had a night off to go and see Spamalot with Mrs X, as it was there 10th wedding anniversary. I had suggested to him that perhaps a weekend in Paris or Rome might be slightly more romantic, but was brutally rebuffed. He said that he would stump up for a packet of minstrels for her….The man knows no barriers when it comes to romance.

Anyway, what a night it turned out to be. The studio guests were Chanelle and Charley! Whippet, the audience facilities manager, had a tight hold of the reigns, for concerns of mutiny, and alcohol was denied for fear of a studio audience uprising.

I said “Look Whippet, its not Les Miz, we won't make a ship barricade out of the seats, and scream Viva La France”.

However, Whippet held firm, her strong Northern accent still rings in my delicate ears. I imagine Whippet to be an either shit or get of the pot kind of girl, my favourite!

Charley and Chanelle went head to head, the tension in the studio could have been cut with a blunt pair of plastic scissors. Chanelle, and as you know Diva beauties, has not fared too well in my blog so far, was surprisingly articulate and composed. She had a new haircut courtesy of David Beckham’s hair stylist, and it looked great!
She was very excited about the Spice Girls Reunion tour, I hope she realises that it does not seem to be going hitch free in the Spice camp, and the reunion tour might happen when they are all pulling their pensions from the post office. Will their song be Octogenarian Power?

It all seemed to go well, until Charley cottoned onto the fact that Chanelle had more support, and then it all went Pete Tong. I made a comment to the fact that it was not in fact the Charley show, and the arguments were just pointless and banal. Charley spent the rest of the show staring me down. I was like a Wild Western movie. I imagined tumbleweed and a dusty road, me and Charley face to face in a nameless town, gun holsters to the ready. I have a horse called Troy and a pocketful of chewing tobacco, she has a pouch full of bitterness, and is not afraid to use it. Her horse has bolted because someone locked the door after he had gone.
I admit now to being a weakling, but did not shy away from the gaze. Whippet lurked on the sidelines like Robert De Niro’s character in meet the parents. I hope I am still in Whippet's circle of trust!

To both their credits, I think facing a BBBM audience must be frightening. Chanelle came across the best, Charley just looked bored, and might be realising that her race to the million pounds might be harder than she thought.

Madame Du Pravee tuned in on my behalf to a question I asked her when we were in Mama Dumpling’s ordering dim sum “Who does Kara-Louise remind you of?”

Shakespeare, who has now decided he has forgiven Brian’s faux pas, came through with a startling truth. Kara-Louise is in fact the secret love child of Condoleezza rice and George W Bush! She was conceived on Air Force one in a passionate mile high club moment! God Bless America

I now have to lie down from the trauma of last night and regain my strength as I am going with Mr X and the Albino to the Pagan festival in Reading to get the dirt on David.

Sitting-on-a-Stump-thinking, my Native American friend, is coming to town next week, and I am going to try to Channel instead of Madame Du Pravee, who needs a break from a heavy work schedule with Derek Acorah. I might need the help of his ayahuasca plant for inspiration

BBBL

See BBBL in action courtesy of YOUTUBE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0wUtqOiF_g