Big Brother's Big Lesbian: Recap and interview with Thaila Zucchi.

BBBL got to interview Thaila Zucchi aka fake housemate Pauline Pooh, but before we get cosy on the couch with Ms Zucchi, let us recap the weekend in the house.

Carole moans, Amy gets the boot, Carole moans, Ziggy is dressed as Moses and is going to lead the Israelites to the Promised Land and part the Thames. Brian is on operation twin seduction and seems to be having minimal success and Carole is still moaning. All housemates must achieve enlightenment to avoid eviction. The Dalai Lama must be sobbing into his prayer beads as we speak. I think the housemates think enlightenment is a cocktail drink at The Ivy. God help us all if any of them pass this task. I will go to live in a yurt in Glastonbury if this happens!

Now lets get to the nitty gritty and unearth what’s lurking in the subconscious mind of Thaila Zucchi and find out about the thigh boots and her girlie holiday with a bunch of strippers.

BBBL: “How was your BB incarceration, and did you feel you fooled them enough?”

Thaila: “My time in the house wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I definitely thought it would be worse, and think they did take me for a real housemate. We did spend a lot of time sitting around on the sofas waiting for BB to tell us about tasks and things”

BBBL: “What drew you to take the part of pooh in BB8?”

Thaila: “Hmmm, I supposed I was flattered to be asked if I’m honest. I did spend a few days stewing on it, and then thought better to regret the things you have done than you things you haven’t, so I went for it. I was worried about the job though as I knew it would be tough.”

BBBL: “Have your views on BB changed since you became a housemate?”

Thaila: “No, not really. I think we forget that the housemates are human beings”

BBBL: “I’m not sure all are human, I think BB might have snuck in a couple of androids”

Thaila: (Laughs,) “Well okay, maybe some of them are human. I wasn’t prepared for the amount of time that is spent waiting around on sofas looking gormless”

BBBL: “Okay, enough of the niceties, let get down to the scum. I read that you were sent into the house to have a lesbian fling with Charley, but changed your mind. Can you elaborate?”

Thaila: (laughing) “Yeah, I have heard that too (laughing) the first I heard about it was from a newspaper. It definitely was not part of the job description. I mean, that would be akin to prostitution wouldn’t it!”

BBBL: (laughs in menacing manner) “Indeed, I wonder where it came from then?”

Thaila: “I think it was because when Charley was watching me on the plasma screen she said I could share her bed. I think she was just being friendly”

BBBL: “Or maybe to get you onside?”

Thaila: (giggles) “Maybe, who knows?”

BBBL: “Which housemate did you gravitate to most?”

Thaila: “There were two people actually. Gerry because he made a lot of time for me. I truly think he is a nice honest decent person, and Liam, who had a great sense of humour, which is something I hope I have. We had a lot of banter, and we flirted a little. I was sent in there to flirt with the boys you know (laughs). Tracey really kept her distance from me; she made no effort to get to know me at all. I think if I had been a 37-year-old bloke, it might have been different. She might have been aveing it then. (We both laugh)

BBBL: “Is Liam as good looking as he comes across on TV?”

Thaila: “Yes, he’s not bad. I think I just liked the vibe of him; he is very flirty, like I am, so we hit it off. I also think there is a lot of sexual frustration in the house. It is nice to get the attention I suppose. Do I look the same as I did on TV?”

BBBL: (panics at loaded question) “No, you are much smaller than I imagined. I never met anyone with such a tiny waist?”(well maybe Dolly Parton but that doesn’t count as she wears a corset)

Thaila: (laughs) “Well, I don’t watch myself on TV, I hate it. However, TV does put on weight, but I am such a foodie, I should go to the gym, but I love my food too much. I’m definitely a fattie food foo”

BBBL thinks that she might, in fact, have been Aphrodite in a past life, but does not yet realise her potential!

BBBL: “Did you feel the pressure of Carole’s Spanish Inquisition type questions about your fake birthplace Walla Walla?”

Thaila: (exhaling to expunge the Carole demon) “Yes, she was very suspicious of me (laughs) my characters details would change from day to day. BB would add something in at the last minute. I was constantly aware of what I was saying. I was going to be from Jerramungup, but did not think I would remember that convincingly; it was hard, as the perimeters of my character changed constantly. It was a tough gig. I would often avoid eye contact with Carole, so she would not start asking questions! At times it made me feel uncomfortable”

BBBL: “I have a blog reader from Walla Walla; do you think they might be a Pooh fan?”

Thaila: (laughing) “Maybe, I would love to go to Walla Walla to see what it its like. I did get mixed reviews about my accent in the press so maybe I should go and practice it”

BBBL: “Your meditation class was one of the highlights of BB for me. Were you winging it?”

Thaila: “I was completely winging it; I had to go and wake them up to persuade them to do it, which I managed with most of them. BB was telling me to hurry it up, but I did not want to end it too early to provoke suspicion. Ziggy was watching me the entire time from the sidelines, and it was hard for me to keep a straight face. I did have to suppress a laugh at one point. I was though, very aware of not offending the spiritual community but also knew I had to make it entertaining and believable.”

BBBL: “Where is that bloody washing machine hidden? As I really am tiring of watching Carole mangling her kecks?”

Thaila: (laughs) “This I don’t know, I did hear that they might be able to win a washing machine?” I was able to go into the camera run and was privvy to watching Carole washing her knickers in the bathtub. I felt a little that I was invading her privacy.”

BBBL thinks….that is a huge bathtub then!

BBBL :( bracing myself to ask this question) “I must slip this little question in, have you ever kissed a woman?”

Thaila: (laughing)” Let me think here, I have had drunken kisses with friends, and I have kissed all the girls in my band the Allstars…kissed ‘em all…ohh, and I did go on an all girl holiday with a bunch of strippers and there was drunken kissing then, but I have never kissed a woman on a romantic level.”

BBBL: (now gaining confidence) “Can you feel the chemistry we have ...are you feeling that pull?”

Thaila: (chuckles) “Oh I so can! There is a lot of energy going on. It reminds me of my meditation class, real positive energy. I really like you”

BBBL: “Would you like to be in my videoblog spoof of ‘Tipping the Velvet’ called Licking the Velcro and play the part of Kitty L’abia?”

Thaila: “Oh my god that sounds hilarious, of course I will (laughs)”

BBBL: “You are very funny in Star Stories, what was your favourite character to play?”

Thaila: “I’ve been lucky to be able to play fantastic characters, but I think my favourite has to be Kirsty Alley. I had to wear a fat suit and decided to go back to make-up and have them make me a camel toe! If you blink you miss it, all that extra time in make up for like a 5 second shot of my camel toe ( laughs) Friday is the last episode of Star Stories and I play a part in the Britney Spears story,that was fun too.” Incidentally Thaila played the part of Sharon Osbourne and J-Lo amongst others!

Are make up camel toes made from two chicken fillets and a jellybean?

BBBL: “When you were playing the bunny boiler in ‘Balls of Steel’ and you were flirting with that man in Battersea Park, was his girlfriend as scary as she seemed?”

Thaila: “Yes, very scary. There are some scary girlfriends out there. I was actually spat at once, and I had to sit there and take it as she oiked phlegm up into her throat (laughs) it was very scary.”

BBBL: “How was your stint as BBBM presenter, I remember you as being very nervous?”

Thaila: “Yes, I was nervous. I did feel as though I did not deserve to get that job, which I only got by default. I was worried that I would be booed, or that my boob would fall out of my top. I worry about things like that (laughs)”

BBBL: “I loved the thigh boots you wore, are they designer?”

Thaila: “Oh let me tell you about those boots, I found them in a second hand store, they are labelled Miss Hellfire I think, There Vintage (laughs)”

BBBL: “What does Ziggy’s tattoo say and do you think he will get a part on Star Stories as Cliff Richard?”

Thaila: (laughs) “I think I asked him what it said, but I cannot remember. I think it says I LOVE NYSYNC. He does sound like cliff Richard doesn’t he, I’m sure he appeal to mum types”

BBBL: “What are you doing now?”

Thaila: “Waiting for my friend to make me pasta (laughs), no I have a few things in the pipeline, like Strutter with Paul Kay and Star Stories. I have a presenting job coming up. In addition, in love Soup, I have a scene where I am getting down with a man and get to his under pant department all is not as it seems (both laugh) “

BBBL: “Have you already had people coming up and saying its Setanta and slamming down pies?”

Thaila: “No, haven’t had any pie action yet (at this point she is really laughing, and this goes on a bit) Yes, I have had a few people doing that. I have been recognised by some people on the tube!”

BBBL: “Did you know there is a Thaila for BB presenter campaign going on?”

Thaila: “Wow, that’s mad, funny but really mad. I’m shocked really, but it’s nice”

Thanks to Thaila for giving the interview and being a complete star. If you think she should be the next BB presenter, leave a comment on the blog comments with Yea or Nay. I must say I find the housemates dancing to the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius slightly demonic and must go and burn white sage.

BBBL

Big Brother's Big Lesbian: The Half-Wit house of horrors.

NEWSFLASH: Chanelle has left the BB house. Will it be for good this time?

Well, you go away for a few days R&R, and come back to all hell breaking loose in the BB house.

Mr X and I enjoyed our crop circle extravaganza in Wiltshire. Rumour had it that a new crop formation appeared on Friday morning, we rushed there to see it, and found the crop lay extraordinary, it was at least 200 foot in diameter, but without GPS we couldn’t ascertain what it looked like, so we waited for the aerial photographs to come in.
I was thunderstruck by the image when I saw it. It was a circular formation with three words on the inside “Get Charley Out”. Seems as though even our alien cousins wanted to see the back of her! I wonder how much a text to evict would be from another planet.

Therefore, with Charley gone, and Chanelle almost gone, but awaiting psychological profiling, it has been a right old carry on! I am almost expecting to see Hattie Jacques enter the house dressed in a matron’s uniform, closely followed by Sid James!

Madame Du Pravee called me whilst I was in a beautiful crop formation near West Kennet Long barrow to tell me that Hattie Jacques and Sid James had come through to her requesting the film rights to Carry on up the BB house. It is still in negotiation stage. Seems, as though the spirit world cannot decide on who will play the part that Barbara Windsor usually plays, it is a toss up between Amanda and Gerry.

So Charley was booted, probably signed up by an agent on the way to her interview with Davina, we will have to endure her on everything now! I have the pleasure of being in the BBBM studio on Tuesday with her there…I heard her eviction by sheer coincidence. The lesbian trio next to my tent had bought a portable TV, and in between, their chanting of “get Charley out”, and coughing fits from the Rothmans cigarettes they were smoking three at a time it was almost audible!

I am sure HEAT and OKAY magazines will run a story on her every five minutes. Charley’s book “Autobiography of a Narcissist” will be in shops for the launch of the BB8 housemate road show. This will highlight the talents of the BB housemates. Carol will be signed up as the new face of Persil, and will wash her underpants for the tour until the are gleaming. Look no stains. Poor old Carole reduced to a human cleaning machine! Carole's boobs have made it into the Barnes Wallis Hall of Fame thanks to this blog. Carole's boobies, I salute you both!

Now, what will replace Charley? Well the half-wit house is full to brimming with more of the country’s elite. Jonty, who is clearly not the full box of chocolates, not even the first layer, the glamour model called Amy (is that even worthy of being called a vocation?) should be called Aimless and sent back to the nearest pole dancing club in Croydon.

Then we have the self-confessed pagan called David, who being Pagan myself, am slightly concerned about his credentials! I did however, love his kilt and boots, but was perturbed by the David Bowie/Clockwork Orange eye makeup. Shanessa the blonde, and I use that term in its loosest form possible, entered the house wearing what looked like a swimsuit! I am not apposed to the new fashion of Muffin Topping, but bless her, if she had been swimming in the sea I fear she might have been harpooned by Japanese fisherman! She seems a bit low rent in my opinion, but BB is not renowned for their stellar choices in housemates are they?

The other two are not even worthy of mention, as I cannot even remember their names. Answers of a postcard please to Who Really Gives a Shit, Elstree, Borehamwood.

I have spent the last days in the bosom of Mother Earth, cradled in the arms of Gaia, and found watching BB again, a bit disorientating. Which half-wits will they ask to join the full-wits in the main house I wonder?

Madame Du Pravee is off to Kidderminster for the annual white witch convention, and has promised to bring me back a signed copy of Shabnam’s new book “My life as a BB alien, and other stories that are far too long to go into as I am far too busy opening nightclubs in Streatham”

Until later, I will leave you with a Native American adage I picked up on my travels. “You do not need your eyes to see the world around you, but a sense of freedom, and a sense of honour” Thank you for that Sitting-on-Stump-thinking I have always remembered it, and our time in the sweat lodge with great nostalgia!

BBBL

Big Brother's Big Lesbian: Charley Potter and the Deathly Rants

Newsflash...Looks like its Tracey versus Charley for the Friday night eviction.


I am still reeling from being “poohed” and Mr X, (who suddenly seems to have appeared on BBLB, as the insider! hmmmmm) tells me I should ask Endemol for counselling. Chanelle has had two heavy bouts of counselling, after Charley’s return to the house!



Poor old Chanelle, not bad enough that she has to be fondled in the shower by Cliff Richard. Who saw that look on Ziggy’s face when he got Chanelle against the wall of the shower, it was like the Rat Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (google anon)

The Rat( child) catcher gave me nightmares as a child. I now have an unhealthy phobia of lollipops, especially the swirled red and white ones!

I half expected Benny Hill to appear and make her into a life sized wind up toy, and have her boing out from her life sized box with Tracey type make up on.

Nicky has left the BB asylum with her tail between her legs. She looked like a deer in headlights as the BB door rattled open, and she was blasted with a cacophony of boos. She kept up her miserable façade until the end though. 10 points for consistency.

Davina was a little terse, must be from the effort of having to jet over to Elstree every Friday from her Villa in the South of France. Gwendy the Bendy who is a contortionist performer from Cirque de Soilei rang to tell me that she was moonlighting as a cleaner, and cleans Davina’s home on a Tuesday and Friday.



It seems that being able to wrap your legs round the back of your head into the Pretzel position, does not pay the rent. Between you, and me she did say that Davina is partial to the leather thong. Gwendy the Bendy has promised me that she will have a root around to see what she can find!


Charley is up to her old tricks again. Viewers complaining about her comment to Gerry, and inferring that he was a paedophile, for enjoying sex with 15-year-old boys, have rattled Ofcom this morning! Gerry denies all allegations, and I am surprised he has not set his monkey on her. The monkey does seem strangely real. I wonder if it has bride of Chucky doll powers, and might rampage through the house at night, taking out anyone in its path.

Ed the Lead from the Daily Scum tells me Charley's days are numbered, and that there is new blood baying at the starting gate. This new blood will be in residence at the BB Hostel next door to the main house, and our original housemates will have to pick three of them. God, three more moronic airheads seeking fame. It is all getting depressingly desperate!

Anyway, I will be away at the end of the week. BBBL is turning the big 40! I have been asked what I want for my birthday. A chemical peel perhaps, botox injections, bum cheek implants, none of which I am getting. I will be spending it in the Crop Circles of Wiltshire, wearing a Kaftan, and eating mung beans out of a dock leaf! I do not want to miss Charley’s eviction though, if it finally happens. I will have to fashion a small antenna from coat hangers and send my 7-year-old niece up a pole to hold the antenna, whilst I watch it on a portable TV from my deck chair. The joys of camping!

Madame Du Pravee is meeting us in one of the Crop Circles for a Tibetan singing bowl meditation. Janis Joplin was trying to manifest her Mercedes Benz Kaftan for me, but hasn’t quite mastered the skills for manifestation of solid objects, so I must wear my primark one instead. She did say to Madame Du Pravee to tell me “Happy Birthday, and watch out for urinating near stinging nettles” Thanks Janis!

I will keep you all updated on Thaila Zucchi and her thigh boots soon. BBBL

Big Brother's Big Lesbian: Spoon me Pooh!

Move over Davina, there is a new lesbian pin up in town that goes by the name of Thaila Zucchi.

Last night I had the terrible chore of going to Big Brother’s Big Mouth. My BB friend, Cow, escorted me, as I have a phobia of driving to the Hanger Lane roundabout unaided.

Cow is like a South African TOM TOM, she guided me expertly round the streets of London. I think secretly she might be a dominatrix, and just likes to tell me what to do! Cow is not her real name, but she is in the witness protection scheme, so it would be remiss of me to reveal her real identity. Apparently, she happened upon someone stealing 10,000 dildos from the back of an Anne Summers truck, and has been in the programme ever since, as they threatened her with death by evil means. She has told me the person is famous, hence the brouhaha, but wont tell me who. All she has ever said is “think Eastenders and fake brain tumour”

Madame Du Pravee was already there when we arrived, schmoozing in the green room with Dane Bowers and junior Simpson, drinking champagne, whilst I had to do the grunt work.
She had told me earlier, that she had met up with Mr X, who was in Elstree on a mission I had sent him on. Rumour has it that the twins are in fact just a projected hologram that is beamed into the BB house, so he went to investigate. He dressed up as a BB employee and infiltrated in inner sanctum of the BB hub. He said he found it easier breaking into the Pentagon, than BB, but managed it. Once inside he spotted a door that said “Twin Hologram Projection Room”, but Vin Diesel and two snarling rottweilers guarded it, so he could go no further. Evidenced deemed inconclusive.

Anyway, I am digressing from the crux of the matter. After watching the main BB show with 41 other BB fans, squashed in an impossibly hot room, under the penetrating watchful eye of Whippet, we moved to the BBBM studio.

Now, I am sure it is hard to try to keep a live show going, and coax a studio audience all at the same time, but Thaila managed it. She put a rambling Shabnam, who was a phone caller into the show, back into her spaceship as well. Shabnam, why oh why do you still plague us? I watched the series V (google anon) I know that Shabnam possibly eats small rodents for breakfast, whilst trying to overtake the world, or in this case, the celebrity world. Therefore, Thaila, I salute you!

Now I must set a very good scene for all of you who have asked me about Thaila. After the show, even though Whippet had told us NOT to take photos, else she would behead us with a blunt Stanley knife, I rebelled, and under fear of death by beheading, or at least a nasty tetanus infection, broke ranks and approached Miss Zucchi.

Diva readers, you do not know what I do for you. I toil hour after hour in my bleak cold flat, writing the BBBL blog. I asked Thalia if she would not mind having a photo taken with BBBL, as I write a lesbian blog for Diva Magazine. Most people in the public eye recoil when they hear the word lesbian, Thaila to her credit was a good sport, and we even “snuggled” for authenticity.
I was slightly distracted by the suede thigh boots, and impossibly tiny waist, but its all for you Diva Readers…the things I have to do! I will try to find out where she will be appearing next; for all of you that are interested in her career (or is it her thigh boots I wonder?) Watch this space.

On a slightly different note. I was horrified to see poor Brian crying into his harmonica, after Charley had unleashed her bile again. Is BB condoning bullying? I kept hearing last night that Charley is entertainment. Are we that starved as a TV viewing British public for entertainment, that we mistakenly believe Charley to be good value? I do not, and I have my holy water and crucifix waiting for when she is booted!

BBBL