Miss Gay UK: Interview with Leah McCullough.

I have been thinking about the universe in the last couple of days. The ebb and flow of human nature, the push and pull of our disquieted lives and came to the following conclusion.

Living in Provence with Nigella would certainly have it pitfalls. I mean yes to wake up alongside the culinary Adonis would be a bonus, but then what if this dream were in fact not what we expect or want it to be?? Maybe Yvette Fielding is more my type?

I mean knocking about an old castle at 3am waiting to be possessed by the ghost of Gwendolyn; a 13th century whore is far more appealing. I offer myself up to be possessed, with Yvette mopping my fevered brow….all she would have to do would be to ditch that full length puffer jacket! I have a phobia of puffer jackets.

Anyway, back to reality and a rather endearing interview with Leah McCullough from Belfast. I am partial to a Northern Irish accent; it could melt me like butter in the slap of a word. Being 32, Leah feels that she has wisdom to share. She also could possibly be a Romany Gypsy in a past incarnation, who we can affectionately call Gypsy Rose Leah.

MGUBL: “Why did you enter Miss Gay UK?”


LEAH: “I saw a poster and I thought I can be Miss Gay UK, it’s like a gay Miss Congeniality, and I love that movie. I was G+T’d up and I thought well I’m gay and I’m from the UK so I’m qualified to enter”

At this point I am all ready smitten with her accent! It is charming.


MGUBL: “What venue was it held at?”


LEAH: “It was held in Belfast at a pub called DuBarry’s. There were 14 contestants and it was a right laugh. We all laughed at lot. I was the granny of the bunch, you know being 32, but I thought ah well I’ve a brass neck on me, so go for it”

For all of us not aware with the Irish colloquialism 'a Brass Neck On me' it means…..she’s got a really big pair of bollocks and isn’t afraid to use em…


MGUBL: “Can you make homemade soda bread?”

LEAH: “Oh my god I can, I fucking can. I make potato bread actually, and I have a couple of secret weapons that I put in there. My friends are banging on my door on a Saturday to get there hands on my bread!”

(My friends are banging on the door to get there hands on my baps, but that’s another story)

MGUBL: “What would you do if you won Miss Gay UK…and how would it change you?”


LEAH: “I don’t think anything could change me, good luck with that (laughs). I think it would enhance my life and my personality, and open doors for me. If I did win I would use my wisdom and make the word lesbian more acceptable. I’d do it with integrity and a pinch of style.”

MGUBL: “How’s the gay scene over in Ireland?”

LEAH: “Improving and we have to thank the older lesbians for that. They have nurtured the gay scene and we can now reap the benefits. The lesbians who are now in there 40’s and 50’s are the ones to thank. Having said that there are no women only bars in Belfast, DuBarrys welcome lesbians with open arms though”.

MGUBL: “I’ve heard that the Irish make fantastic lovers. Can you confirm or deny these allegations?”


LEAH: (Laughs,) “I can neither confirm nor deny, but of course, I can confirm that my fiancé of almost 8 years is fantastic.”

MGUBL: “Have you ever met the Nolan’s?”

LEAH: “Oh my god, yes, I swear to fuck I met Bernie. She was in a pub and had been on loose women talking about giving up smoking, and there she was smoking like 40 tabs one after the other. We went up and said it is cool to see you and you are a liar. She was lovely spent time talking to us.”


MGUBL: “Who would be your ideal woman to have a date with?”

LEAH: “Okay this is fantasy date right? Then it would have to be Annie Lennox. She is strong and can belt out a tune. I’d cook and clean for her (laughs) the word cool doesn’t even come close to encapsulating who she is.”

MGUBL: “What do you think the lesbian community needs to change?”

LEAH: “In think it’s a bit of an inner circle, very insular. I can accuse myself of the same thing. Its small community but needs to be more vocal. We need to gay up the world, so that in future generations it will be more acceptable. I have brilliant family who are really proud of who I am.”

MGUBL: “James Joyce or WB Yeats?”

LEAH: “Oh you’re an evil woman. I am going to have to say both. Make a poet sandwich of them both.”

MGUBL: “Do you have any phobias?”

LEAH: “Oh my god how long have you got? Cockroaches and flying cockroaches. Oh and brass bands, I literally crumple into a heap when I hear a brass band…crawling I am on hands and knees. Yes and Swing chairs at the funfair, there’s something so wrong about those!”

I thought my list of phobias was extensive!

MGUBL: “What will be you’re killer tactic for the final?”

LEAH: “I’m going to try and make everyone laugh. I love to see people laughing. I am a right idiot I must say. Therefore, if I make people laugh then I have achieved something. I’ve got twenty friends coming over with me, and they are loud, so you will definitely hear them.”

MGUBL: “If you won what would you do with you’re title?”

LEAH: “I would promote myself and big up my profile so I could make a positive change to gay people. My girlfriend had a dream that I ended up on the L Word, but I wasn’t allowed to kiss Shane or Pappi.”

Am I the only lesbian on the planet who just does not get the Shane thing? I mean she looks like my nephew for Christ’s sake!

MGUBL: “Choose between Winona Ryder and Julia Roberts?”

LEAH: “Julia Roberts If I had to. I mean Winona ruined little women for me, it was all so wrong, and then the whole shoplifting scandal, so Julia. But don’t you think Julia Roberts has too many teeth, she has like 30 teeth on the top set alone!”

At this point, I tell Leah that I own a free Winona t-shirt and that I might have to bring it to Birmingham. Winona was not shoplifting exactly, but the Percadin had made her forget to pay for the luxury items….can happen to us all!

MGUBL: “What would you have been in a past life?”

LEAH: “Oh god, I’m all into this stuff. I think I was definitely a Romany Gypsy. I often get a sense of Déjà vu. I often get a sense of Déjà vu. So definitely a Romany Gypsy”

My warm thanks go out to Leah, who had me in stitches. I am looking forward to meeting the gang of twenty Irish women in Birmingham. They are also going to buy me tequila! I have ordered the ambulance and stomach pump in advance.

Please support Miss Gay UK anyway, you can.

http://www.missgayuk.co.uk/

Miss Gay UK: Interview with Rachael Cobain.

I feel like a Persian prince with a harem….all these women to interview, so little time! For those of you wondering about the X-Factor blog, that will be following shortly.

Firstly, I must tell of a dream I had involving my heroine, Nigella Lawson, and a rather opulent plate of profiteroles. I was a contestant on Masterchef, and I had one hour to make Michelin start profiteroles. The judges were Germaine Greer and luscious Nigella.

In this dream I had one of those aprons on that resembles a woman wearing a bra and knickers, you know that apron, there is one in every home in the UK. Your uncle wears it at Christmas, anyway I messed up my choux pastry, and it looked liked polyfiller. Nigella came over, eyed my cement blob, and said “God that looks like shit, but I’m sure it’s salvageable!” Moreover, with that she whipped me with a pink tassel, suddenly as if by magic, my cement blob turned into the most perfect pastry the world has ever known. I win Masterchef, marry Nigella and move to Provence!

Back to the job at hand and the Miss Gay UK’s finalist interviews. The next poor old soul to get the “treatment” is Rachael Cobain. She is from Manchester is 20 years young and has a wicked sense of humour!

MGUBL: “So Rachael, why did you enter Miss Gay UK?”

RACHAEL: “Basically because I’m nosey and geeky, and I’d never seen the competition before, so I thought I would give it a good go. I just thought feck it.”

MGUBL: “Were you nervous at all?”

RACHAEL: “Yes, it was very daunting. There were 26 contestants, and we had two heats. The competition was stiff; there were some fantastic women there.”

MGUBL: “What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?”

RACHAEL:“ Well, I make a complete tit out of myself every weekend (laughs) but the time when I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me was when I was first coming out. I was walking down Canal Street and it was Manchester pride. I had just enrolled at my sixth form college and saw my PE teacher walking along with a group of friends. She was absolutely gorgeous by the way. Anyway, my friends call out to her ‘Oi Oi, Rachael really fancies you’ I could have died on the spot. The PE teacher says you are Rachael aren’t you? I’ll see you at hockey practice on Monday…It took me months to get over that”


MGUBL: “What do you do when you’re not stalking PE teachers on Canal Street?”

RACHAEL: “I have a boring job, I sell insurance for the CO-OP, but I have put an application form in to be a police officer, so hopefully soon I will be training for that”

MGUBL: “How do you spend you’re free time?”

RACHAEL: “I spend most weekends with friends; I go to the pictures a lot as im trying to save money. We have dinner parties. I like to say that I am selectively single at the moment?”

MGUBL: “If you win Miss Gay UK would it change you?”


RACHAEL:"No, it would not change me. I have people coming up to me in Manchester congratulating me. I would bring a bit of fun with the title, and would like to make positive changes for the community. I am also interested in organizing charity events.”

MGUBL: “Who do you think is the hottest Lesbian icon?”

RACHAEL: “Oh I have to say Sharon Stone, she’s gorgeous. I mean we have Ellen, feck Ellen, give me Sharon every time”

I would rather not feck Ellen If I am honest; she has too much money and wears Cashmere sweaters, which bring me out in a rash.

MGUBL: “What do you think you might have been in a past life?”

RACHAEL: “I think I must have been a well kept woman, my pay packet this lifetime isn’t cutting it.”

MGUBL: “Do you have any phobias?”

RACHAEL:“This is going to sound odd but I have a phobia of wooden lollipop sticks. If im eating a FAB, I have to get a friend to put the wrapper round the stick so I can’t see it.”


MGUBL: “What reality TV show would you consider entering?”

RACHAEL: “Definitely Big Brother, that’s the show that gets the most publicity, so I would do it purely for that reason. Big Brother is really addictive. I usually start watching properly a couple of weeks in.”

MGUBL: “Seeing as though you appreciate women so much Demi Moore or Angelina Jolie?”

RACHAEL:“Oh my god definitely Demi Moore, she gorgeous for an older woman and has a great body?”

It is funny that most of the girls I have interviewed like older women. There is hope for all of us that are pushing 40.


MGUBL: “What would you like to say to the lesbian community?”

RACHAEL: “I think basically that I would love to be given the opportunity to do well in Miss Gay UK, so I could promote it more. I met up with Mr Gay UK in Manchester, and he gave me advice on what to expect from the final, and what he has been through since winning. I am interested in making a positive change. I want to get the ball rolling. I think Miss Gay UK should be as big as Mr Gay UK should. I feel lesbians are slightly sidelined, and they need to get out there and get a voice. I really want to be able to up the lesbian profile so we can all make a difference collectively.”

Thanks so much to Miss Cobain, who entertained me immensely, and has offered to buy me tequila on the 9th to steady my nerves…The little Lothario.

Next interview coming shortly. Please support this event as much as you can, as we can all make a difference. http://www.missgayuk.co.uk/

MGUBL

Miss Gay UK: Interview with Andrea Kenny

You will all be happy to know that my man flu is on the wane. Well certain people I know were secretly hoping that the strain of flu I had, would metastasize into a vile disease, which would incapacitate my vocal cords forever! They are well and truly out of my will now.

My collection of Victorian vibrators will have to find a new home after my passing!

My next victim to enter the seedy world of the Miss Gay UK interview arena is Andrea Kenny.

She hails from Brighton and is a reincarnation, we think, of Janis Joplin. She also has a bunch of groupies from Kent that are following her music career with keen eyes, and freshly laundered undercrackers that they throw at her on stage.

Well they do not but it sounds more rock and roll. Not bad though for a 26 year old to have groupies at all. She also suffers from a phobia of gubbins, those errant bits of crumb/richtea/disgestive/tobacco bits that end up in the bed. Gubbins is a technical term for these nasty rogue pieces of crap.

MGUBL: “How did your journey into Miss Gay UK transpire?”

ANDREA: “Well, I actually live at the Marlborough in Brighton and they hosted the event, so really I did it for a bit of a laugh. My girlfriend chickened out, so I went ahead anyway.”

MGUBL: “What do you think was the one thing that got you into the final?”

ANDREA: “To be honest I think it was my answer to the question they gave me- would winning Miss Gay UK change you? - My answer was NO!”

A one-word answer girl, my kind of chick. There is a gravelly smoothness to her voice, which is actually very soothing. I might have to hire her to help me with my hypnosis! I am planning on taking over the world via hypnotic induction. It is a five-year plan.

MGUBL: “How many tattoos do you have?”

ANDREA: “I have 15 tattoos and (at this point I hear her counting) 5 piercings”

She does tell me the names of the piercings but they sound like foreign cities or karma sutra sex positions! I know one called Ampallang but this knowledge came from a rather drunken night in the annals of backstreet Soho, and my subconscious mind has thankfully blocked this out!

MGUBL: “Tell me about your true passion your music?”

ANDREA: “I’m a singer/songwriter, and have been for ten years. I a resident artist at the Marlborough, and play all around the country. I played at Brighton pride and have a CD out called Andrea Kenny Procrastination. Unfortunately, they have all sold out so I am just waiting for more to come in. I really want to break into the mainstream consciousness.


MGUBL: “What type of music do you play?”

ANDREA: “It’s Bluesy Acoustic inspired by the likes of Janis Joplin and KT Tunstall.”

For all of you interested in hearing Andrea Kenny’s music go to her myspace page and prepare to be inspired.

www.myspace.com/andreakennymusic


MGUBL: “Who is you’re favourite lesbian Icon, Angelina and KD don’t count?”

ANDREA: “I would have to say Janis Joplin, cos she liked the ladies too, and also James Dean. I don’t tend to view people as lesbian or heterosexual, I just like people”

I wonder if, in fact, James Dean was a lesbian trapped in mans body, not unlike Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen.

MGUBL “X-Files or Star Trek?”

ANDREA: “It’s got to be Star Trek I was raised on Star Trek. I used to sit on my dad’s knee a lot and watch it”

MGUKBL: “Were you possibly breastfed on Star Trek?”

ANDREA: Laughs, “No because that would mean that my dad would have had to have breasts”

I need to interject now and put a disclaimer that Andrea’s father does not have, nor has ever had man boobs.Also no animals were hurt in the writing of this blog.

MGUBL: “Would you do Gillian Anderson, pre bleak house of course?”

ANDREA: “Well she was hot in the X-Files, but she’s not really my cup of tea to be honest.”

MGUBL “If you could be on any reality TV show, which would you pick and why?”

ANDREA: “It would have to be shipwrecked, purely because of the beauty of the location. I would never want to go on Big Brother or the X-Factor. I think the X Factor would be a nail in the coffin of any music career.”


MGUBL: “What would you bring to the community if you won Miss Gay UK?”

ANDREA: “I would bring honesty and frankness and I would also campaign for cleaner ladies toilets at a certain Brighton bar that shall remain nameless”

As a side note, Andrea defaced her own picture in Brighton before anyone else could. She drew a willy on her own forehead. A pre-emptive willy if you will.

MGUBL: “Have you ever cooked a baked Alaska?”

ANDREA: “No, but I do love meringue. I don’t bake cakes either I’m afraid”

(Nigella Lawson bakes a decent Alaska. Oh how I would sell my soul to the devil to see her eating that dressed in a nun’s habit.)

MGUBL “What do you believe you might have been in a past life?”

ANDREA: “I do believe in past lives, I would have to say like a big cat or tiger, or a bug. I have a strong affiliation with bugs. I like to rescue them and bring them home.”

MGUBL “Anything you want to add, and any special talents?”

ANDREA: “Well I broke my elbow when I was eight, and can rotate it like 90 degrees, and I have a very long tongue (we both laugh). Also and most importantly, I would like to get the exposure of Miss Gay UK out there. It should be on a par with the popularity of Mr Gay UK. I think we, as contestants, are responsible to getting this wonderful event publicised. I would like to see it get lots more support.”

Well said Andrea! Miss Gay UK are working exceedingly hard to get this into the public eye. Please support this event as much as you can. Thanks to the amazing Miss Kenny who was a pleasure to talk to.

Stay tuned for the next interview with Miss Gay Manchester.

Miss Gay UK: Interview with Alex Hartley

I am afraid I have been rather quiet of late. I have been laid low with a virulent strain of Man Flu and have been unable to muster the strength to reach the keyboard! Let me tell you, lemsip and night nurse should never be taken together!

I am back now with the belated interview with Miss Gay UK’s East Midlands winner Alex Hartley. Not to be mistaken with Hartley the Hare from Pipkins. I had a disturbing dream about Pig from Pipkins the other night, he came up to me with two massive cream buns in a holster and said, “It’s never too late to sniff the wind of freedom” I awoke in a pool of sweat. I fear the Man Flu may have rendered me clinically insane.

Anyway, Miss Gay UK’s heat winner Alex Hartley 23 is passionate about charity work and her job as a youth worker. She also is a very apt at poi spinning (poi spinning is NOT a device used to stimulate the clitoris as I thought but a Maori fire juggling tradition)

MGUBL: “Why did you decide to enter Miss Gay UK?”

ALEX: “To be honest at first I did it for a bit of a laugh, friends persuaded me to enter, but when I found out it was going to be a charitable event I really wanted to take it seriously”

MGUBL: ““What was your competition like?”

ALEX: “God, I was really nervous. It was a nerve-racking experience. We were whittled down to the last ten, and we had to have our interviews with the judges in private, as there was a problem with the PA system that night. The other girls were lovely. I think everyone was nervous.

MGUBL: “Any secret weapons you are going to use to try and win Miss Gay UK?” (I said this in a menacing secret agent voice)

ALEX: “I’m not really a game player to be honest and I don’t have any tactics. If I did win I think it would be a compliment to me being just an average lesbian”

(I feel that there are no run of the mill lesbians in this world. I am looking for one so I can tick it off on my facebook things to do before I die list)

MGUBL: “What women do you truly admire?”

ALEX: “I am definitely going to have to say Jane Tomlinson. She was such an amazing women and such an inspiration to me. She came from the same area that my parents are from so I heard a lot about her from the local news. She did so many things, like riding across the US after being told she had only 7 months to live and ending up living 8 years longer. She is truly inspirational. Every breath of her life was devoted to her family and her fight against cancer. She has really inspired me in my own life.” http://www.janesappeal.com/


MGUBL: “Have you any special talents” (For example, impersonating a giraffe or managing to insert a marrow sideways up your bum?”)

ALEX: “Hmm, well I have double jointed eyes and can move them independently and I do poi spinning. Poi spinning is fire juggling, you have two chains attached to a Kevlar straps and you can do tricks. I can also juggle.

For all of you wondering what poi spinning is go to http://www.homeofpoi.com/ as I am sure my explanation of it is sorely lacking. This is due to the fact I am writing under the influence of lemsip.

MGUBL: “When you’re not poi spinning or looking in two directions at one time, what else do you do?”

ALEX: “I am a youth worker in an underprivileged area. We deal with young offenders and people excluded from the community. I also worked with STRIDE clubs and worked for the LBGT youth club. I am passionate about my job and love what I do.”

MGUBL “Judge Judy or Boston Legal?”

ALEX: laughs “Judge Judy if I had to choose, I like how she shouts at everyone”

I have to confess I would choose Judy Scheindlin myself; there is something strangely erotic about her demeanour.

MGUBL “What have you been in a past life?”

ALEX: “I think I must have been a roamer, someone who moved around a lot. I have a fear of missing out on life. Perhaps I was a bird as I imagine I would have flown everywhere, and I wouldn’t leave a carbon footprint.”

MGUBL: “Any phobias you would like to share with us?”

ALEX: Laughs, “Not really I’m afraid. The only phobia I have is of spiders. I can’t stand spiders.”

I am tempted to tell her of my litany of phobias, like vomit and people eating ice-cream cones, but I stay stum.

MGUBL: “Have you seen the film Pay It Forward? I am starting a Gay Pay It Forward campaign. How would you pay it forward?”

ALEX: “God I loved that film, it really made me cry. I think it would have to be something quite simple like being a slave for someone for a day(not in the kinky way!!!) and doing all their chores so that they have time to spend on themselves(or spend family time)I think that its the little things that make a difference.”

MGUBL “Anything else you would like to say in regards to the lesbian community or life in general?”

ALEX: “I think there is more to life than being a lesbian. People are too narrow-minded in this world, and sometimes fail to see other people’s opinion. I am into exploring life in some many different ways and am fascinated by other people. If someone asks, are you rich? I think there are many ways to be rich. Love can make you rich.

We were struggling to look for a word about people who are unable to see other people’s lives and she asked me to pick a word. I think the right word for ignorant people is MYOPIC

I want to thank Alex for her interview, and her honesty and integrity. She is passionate about charities and her work!

My next interview will be posted shortly. Miss Gay UK organisers have asked if anyone can suggest a charity. Woman’s Aid have declined to be the designated charity due to the fact that it is a beauty pageant ( even though they have been a sponsored charity for Miss UK) So please put forward any suggestions for charities in keeping with the ethos of Miss Gay UK.

I must go now and extract a rather large marrow from my behind, as its making sitting rather awkward

MGUBL.