I'm a celebrity's Big Lesbian: The silk is out...Martina still in.

Our Martina has survived the first Celeb cull in the jungle. Old Kilroy Silk was booted out last night. Trust our Martina to make it into the third set, bless her.

This is a weird Jungle one this year, an eclectic mix to be sure. I have still found myself gagging at the Z Lister's gagging on testicles and penis parts.

I was shocked at how small a kangaroo willy is, I wonder if all the female kangaroos sit around saying to each other, over a cup of tea and a bourbon biccy " Bloody Bruce, just doesn't touch the sides bless him.....We've tried the Roo Willy Volumiser, but it didn't work!"

Anyway back to Martina, who is definitely conducting herself in a fine manner. I had a dream last night that Chrissy Everett-Lloyd walked into the jungle, and her and Martina engaged in a passionate Jungle tryst. I always dreamed that as a child, that after a rather decent tennis match between the two, they would leap over the Wimbledon centre court net, and embrace each other!! I also wanted wonder woman to fly into my room, but that didn't happen either.

I confess to having a huge soft spot for cockney Jo! I always liked him in East Enders,and find his ease of manner refreshing. The Mallet is just an annoying twat, no shocked there Wacaday!!!!!!

I wonder about the animal rights of this programme though, I'm sure it cant be nice for the plump grub worm to have its back end bitten off!! And I'm sure the kangaroos don't willing offer to have their willies cut off for reality TV.

I hope Martina makes it further on her jungle adventure. She's a legend!! I will never forget the Wimbledon final in 1979. Brings tears to my eyes now, poetry in motion.

I shall leave you with the wise words of Rilke to take with you for the coming days

"To be loved means to be consumed. To love is to give light with inexhaustible oil. To be loved is to pass away, to love is to endure."

BBBL

Im a celebrity's Big Lesbian: Martina is going into the bush, and I dont mean biblically.

Here we go again. It's time for that jungle magic to begin. One of our very own will be shortly emerged into the world of reality TV, and crunching down on a kangaroo testicle to plump up a failing career.

Martina Martina Martina, an icon of the tennis world, probably the most revered woman in Wimbledon's colourful history, her lobs were legendary, her backhand top spin used to make me shiver with goosebumps.

I am not sure I really want to see her gagging on a wombat penis, whilst strapped to Esther Ranzen by a bungee cord, but it's all going to be pure sordid entertainment. We, the British public have a sick sense of watching someone suffer especially celebrities.

I look forward to the ensuing weeks of pain and agony. Minor D list celebrities arguing in the Tiki hut over lack of food and who is going to empty that stinking latrine. I say let them eat cake!

So I will be following Martina's jungle stint with great interest. Do you think she will have to endure the maggot and spider hair wash? Crawl in a cave infested with rats and maggots, all to get a star so her fellow contestants can eat a meal that doesn't include coconut and rice.

I will keep you posted. Is it Christmas already....where has my soul gone? I am again trying to buy my soul back from eBay, but there is a new clause that prohibits sellers buying back there own goods! What that bloke in Reddich needs with my soul anyway is another matter.

Ta Ta For Now

BBBL