Big Brother's Big Lesbian:Heaven,Hell and Comas.

I have been in a boredom induced coma for the last week, it happened during an episode of BB. I slipped into this perpetual dream state coma and have only just awoken. The last thing I remember was hearing the words "Belinda, Belinda, Belinda".

So to recap the goings on I will put it into a Darnell type soliloquy.

Belinda was booted wearing a union jack skirt, that could have doubled for a wedding marquee. The house has been divided, and not into a Romeo and Juliet type way either, no Montague's and Capulet's here, just Heaven and Hell.

Bex was hanging on a rope dressed in a gorilla outfit for 4 minutes. Rex has been name dropping, Stuart thought he would meet the girl of his dreams. Cookie monster was given some really big pants to wear...aka Bridgette Jones...Cookie also threw up whilst eating a really big french baguette.

Luke is still hiding his obvious homosexual leanings. Dale is just there. Poor Mikey didn't get any chocolate as Darnell screwed up the food list, and Lisa finds her self in hell for the second week running.

See, you can slip into a coma and still manage to write whats been happening into a few short sentences. During my coma Shakespeare came to me and told me of all the wonders from the spiritual plane and tried to seduce me over. I was tempted, he sold it well to me. No mortgage, no rent, no bills, no soaring fuel prices, no love worries. I mean who wouldn't just want to hang around on a cloud talking to Plato about the philosophy of life!!

It seems as though the Philly cheese adverts are pretty spot on! I declined his offer at immortality, and decided that I like the pain and trauma of living. It's a sado-masochistic thing I think.

So with Dale new head of house this week I'm sure BB will be filled with moments of classical television viewing. I mean to see Rex scratching his balls and then sniffing his fingers was pure genius. Move over French and Saunders theres an Emmy going to BB.

I like Rachael, she seems to actually have a shred of integrity going on. I want her to win.

Now I'm out of this coma I will be blogging more regularly. I also found my lost soul, which is a bit of a relief.

TTFN

BBBL

Big Brother's Big Lesbian: New tottie in, old non-tottie out!

NEWSFLASH: Three new female housemates going in tonight!


As Jen or Rex await the BB door to hit them on the way out, BB has decided that they need to glam up the programme with two new stunning female contestants, and a Theatre Director, who the Sun quotes as " she's no looker"....so they haven't written much about her. Which I think is disgraceful. I am on the phone to Germaine Greer as we speak to talk over this outrage!


She concurs that looks should not be the impetuous for the rite of passage into the BB house.....I mean look at Tenko that was great TV, and not a hottie amongst them....I mean okay it was a POW camp, and I'm sure MAC makeup probably wasn't readily available for them. It was hard enough getting a bowl of rice!


Anyway, I have again digressed. One of the "stunning" housemates is well know from the LYNX adverts, Ive seen a heavily pixelated picture of her and she looks okay. I'm not a steak eating, brain dead, ruled by my pecker man though, so I'm no judge of looks.


Give me Nigella Lawson dressed only in an appropriately placed lobster and two saville oranges, and I melt. Show me a page three model, and I reach for the bard suppressing a huge yawn.

Walt Whitman wrote " I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world"(Goggle Anon)....I am finding myself doing that over the dullness of Big Brother. How very mundane to shove more housemates in. I am bored with the ones in there already.

The second "stunner" is an Australian Angelina Jolie look-a-likey. They are trying to give Stuart a playmate, instead of him always playing with himself!!

And, as discussed with Ms Greer, the third is a dowdy old theatre director whose not much to look at so why bother writing about her ( according to the Scum newspaper). I hope so goes in there and kicks some arse. What in the world a 40 year old career minded, obviously intelligent woman would want to go into that low life twat infested hell hole beggars belief......Could it be shameless self promotion for a new play....HMMMMMMM...Inquiring minds want to know.


On a rather maudlin note. It appears that I have misplaced my soul somewhere, and cannot seem to find it! I was thinking of selling it on EBay because I am desperate for cash, but it has gone. Vanished without a trace! Isn't it funny that we sometimes don't know what we have until we lose it, and when its gone, how we wished we had not taken it for granted for so long!


Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa!

TTFN


BBBL