Before I post my first X-Factor blog I wanted to tell you what BBBL's final swan song was about. My venture in Miss Gay UK heat.
I confess to being extremely nervous as I travelled up to Soho for the second London heat of Miss Gay UK
Any excuse I could find on the way there to exit this ritual humiliation was tried. My wonderful and supportive sister was accompanying me, and I saw an all you can eat buffet for £4.99, “Oh, shall we go there instead, I’m feeling quite partial to a few ducks heads dipped in batter right now?”
My next excuse was derived out of sheer panic “Oh look colonic irrigation, I do feel a bit bogged down; maybe I should just pop in there, drop me cacks and let that rather large looking Polish shot-putter, shove a garden hose up my jacksy and clear me out?”
All was to no avail however, as I was dragged in to the Edge bar to face my fear demon; the dreaded public speaking!
When I met the lovely Leah, Miss Gay UK organiser (she and her partner volunteer their time from full time jobs, to run this event) I was put at ease. My fellow contestants were lovely; all had a story to tell and a special talent to showcase!
Fran could speak Spanish and Italian and put her whole fist in her mouth!! I couldn’t showcase my talent as it involves tantric sex, far too complicated on such a small stage! Esther cracked out a good signing voice, and the others also contributed with unique pizazz.
We were then asked a question that the judges would grade us on. Let me tell you all now, you really put yourself on the line in a thing like this. It could go either way, it could be cringe worthy humiliation, the sort that makes you want to hide your head in your heads and ask Jesus for forgiveness, or you could triumph to an accolade of rapturous applause.
Luckily none of us had to call on the spirit of Jesus for penitence. There was definitely a rowdy rabble in the bar. It was like a scene from the life of Brian, you know the scene where Biggus Dickus comes to the balcony and asks, with desperate lisp,” rewlease brwian” It was that kind of crowd, I feel they could have turned at any moment into a baying hysterical mob! It was fabulous.
My question from the judges was “What do you think of competitions like Miss England, and how would you change it?”
As I was called to the stage to wow with my cunning acumen, my mind froze. I was gripped in the panic that I would not be able to get the words from my mind out through my rather huge gob, but I was fine, I do remember saying something about making the Miss England contestants complete a rubric’s cube in less than three minutes.
Which is strange, seeing as though I couldn’t do a rubric’s cube in less than 3 minutes? I used to peel the stickers on mine and “finish” it that way!
If you were a teenager in the 1980’s you will empathise with this rubric’s cube pressure cooker! We were all at it!! We were cunning in our ways of cheating!
You will be interested to know, ( or maybe not) that by some amazing twist of fate, I managed to get into the London Finals taking place again at the edge bar next Sunday the 16th September.
Leah and Nina, I salute you for all the work you have put into this event, you should get a Richard and Judy badge for commitment!!
BBBL aka XFBL
I confess to being extremely nervous as I travelled up to Soho for the second London heat of Miss Gay UK
Any excuse I could find on the way there to exit this ritual humiliation was tried. My wonderful and supportive sister was accompanying me, and I saw an all you can eat buffet for £4.99, “Oh, shall we go there instead, I’m feeling quite partial to a few ducks heads dipped in batter right now?”
My next excuse was derived out of sheer panic “Oh look colonic irrigation, I do feel a bit bogged down; maybe I should just pop in there, drop me cacks and let that rather large looking Polish shot-putter, shove a garden hose up my jacksy and clear me out?”
All was to no avail however, as I was dragged in to the Edge bar to face my fear demon; the dreaded public speaking!
When I met the lovely Leah, Miss Gay UK organiser (she and her partner volunteer their time from full time jobs, to run this event) I was put at ease. My fellow contestants were lovely; all had a story to tell and a special talent to showcase!
Fran could speak Spanish and Italian and put her whole fist in her mouth!! I couldn’t showcase my talent as it involves tantric sex, far too complicated on such a small stage! Esther cracked out a good signing voice, and the others also contributed with unique pizazz.
We were then asked a question that the judges would grade us on. Let me tell you all now, you really put yourself on the line in a thing like this. It could go either way, it could be cringe worthy humiliation, the sort that makes you want to hide your head in your heads and ask Jesus for forgiveness, or you could triumph to an accolade of rapturous applause.
Luckily none of us had to call on the spirit of Jesus for penitence. There was definitely a rowdy rabble in the bar. It was like a scene from the life of Brian, you know the scene where Biggus Dickus comes to the balcony and asks, with desperate lisp,” rewlease brwian” It was that kind of crowd, I feel they could have turned at any moment into a baying hysterical mob! It was fabulous.
My question from the judges was “What do you think of competitions like Miss England, and how would you change it?”
As I was called to the stage to wow with my cunning acumen, my mind froze. I was gripped in the panic that I would not be able to get the words from my mind out through my rather huge gob, but I was fine, I do remember saying something about making the Miss England contestants complete a rubric’s cube in less than three minutes.
Which is strange, seeing as though I couldn’t do a rubric’s cube in less than 3 minutes? I used to peel the stickers on mine and “finish” it that way!
If you were a teenager in the 1980’s you will empathise with this rubric’s cube pressure cooker! We were all at it!! We were cunning in our ways of cheating!
You will be interested to know, ( or maybe not) that by some amazing twist of fate, I managed to get into the London Finals taking place again at the edge bar next Sunday the 16th September.
Leah and Nina, I salute you for all the work you have put into this event, you should get a Richard and Judy badge for commitment!!
BBBL aka XFBL
3 comments:
BBBL....or do I know have to say XFBL....oh its too confusing
Good luck with Miss Gay UK....youre a bit of a stunner arent you, and youre funny as well...Do you have aa girlfriend??
Hi L_WORD fan
Ah thank you very much......I do have a girlfriend yes, and we have been together years and years
She takes all of my blogs and crazy ideas with a pinch of salt!
I feel sorry for her on many occasions, as I must be a mare to live with
Thanks for the luck...Im sure this will be the last stage i manage to wing through...I fully expect to get booted out of the next round
XFBL
XXXXXXXX
lol.. u have no faith.. in future just do as ur told and get on with it.. ur friends will whistle for a hottie!!..
love ya
C33 x
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