Fear not. DIVAblog has scoured the web to bring you two suitably unsuitable gift options.
Option 1 - If you are officially 'cash poor, time rich' then win extra brownie points with this homemade bouquet of flowers brought to you by tamponcrafts.com.
Option 2 - If a marketing manager would class you as 'cash rich, time poor' then invest for your own future (you'll inherit it one day) with a detailed depiction of the male human form from Queer art gallery howcampisthat.com.
Failing those, there's still time for a forever-friends card and a bunch of wilting carnations from the BP Garage round the corner.