Here we are again. A week into the BB social experiment, and I am finding my I.Q distressingly disabled.
I was agog ( Google anon) at the task, that involved licking crisps. I mean we've all been at the crisp licking stage in our lives. I recall a crisp licking moment in 1989 that involved a woman called Shirley and a four pack of strongbow cider..Its best left unsaid, as so many things are in my life.
So BB fans ( if there are any out there still) the same old homogenized types are in the house. The obligatory big mouth, the IT girl, the poor man's Rambo, and the others that are all too non-descript to warrant any discussion at all.
I will be refraining from using their names until someone steps up the the plate and says anything remotely witty or intelligent.
And where, oh where, are the lesbians this year? Why is the house always so devoid of A) Lesbians. B) Eye Candy. C) Anyone with anything interesting to say at all. I despair at the level of morose,moronic Muppet's in the house this year.
I was hoping, in my dotage, that BB would finally put in someone that would know what the word onomatopoeia means. I do like the man that is restricted of sight....must be a bonus for him, not being able to see in there!!
On a positive note, and I'm digging into the depth's of my soul here. I have been channelling the bard himself, that's Mr Shakespeare to all you non-thespians. The Bard assures me that the summer will start to liven up, and "thy hand will drip with the words of the excited fool".
He explained that BB is just a modern day version of a midsummer nights dream, and that wily puck will bring it all together. I did try to resist his obvious madness of being trapped in the ethereal layer for too many years, but he was highly insistent that this will be the Summer of our content.
I'm sure there will be times of great inspiration in the coming weeks. Crisp licking is just a taster of the fevered possibilities for us, the mere meek viewer. What next I ask the bard? Tortilla licking? Satsuma orifice plunging? Vimto Henna tattoos?
All will be revealed I'm sure in the coming weeks. I will leave you with an inspirational prediction from the Bard, for the weary of heart over BB.
" Thine eyes will be witness to a tempest rage, upon the ground of Elstree. Five men will seek the title, yet one women will seize the prize. The other, the pestilent goat ninny, will be evicted with thunderous roars, from the furious mob"
Cliff notes to this means: Its all going to kick off, the blokes will be smarmy and try to win, but a women will win this year, and some prat will be evicted to the biggest booing session in BB history. Hmmmmmm, anyone smelling a deja vu here?
Ta Ta for now....next blog a riveting interview with Nigella Lawson, who gets her kit off whilst making an incredible lamb kofta dish.
BBBL
