Big Brother's Big Lesbian: Charley and the BB PR factory.

Mr X is back from Leeds, with a knapsack full of shocking revelations and a nasty case of crabs. We had a talk about it, and the implications it has on his professional acumen, and he did say that it was an unfortunate accident.

Apparently, he was sent to a Leeds nightclub trying to find one of the many men that Chanelle has claimed to have bagged. He was pointed, by a man called Doug, to the RINNERS Nightclub, a favourite haunt of Poshish Spice.
Due to a mix up with the cab driver and his lack of comprehension for the English language, he ended up in RIMMER’S nightclub instead. There, a burly man with chaps on took him to his “office” as he said he had proof of Chanelle’s dalliances on CCTV, the rest the say is History. Mr X did see a faded poster on the wall of Northern Line though. Maybe Ziggy has a slim change of a career on the gay club circuit. Along with the Krankies and Bonnie Langford.

I had a root through the knapsack for all juicy morsels of scandal that Mr X uncovered. It seems that the poisonous asps are closer to home. Big Brother bosses are so desperate to keep Charley in the house, that they fabricate footage, or in several instances “lose” footage altogether. I think BB is the same as New Labour. It is almost akin to the conspiracy of JFK. The twins were the lone gunmen on the grassy knoll. A new housemate called Lee Harvey Oswald will be sent into the house, and will be arrested, because he calls Charley vile. I have called David Icke, and he is sending in an undercover runner for Endelmol. The man, who I cannot name, starts tomorrow, as the camera run cleaner. All footage he gets will be feed via satellite link to David’s HQ in Battersea Rise. It will be stripped of all white noise, so you will not hear a word from Charley.

So once again mammoth breasts is up for eviction, along with Tracey and Billi. BB punished Charley severely for talking about nominations. Her punishment involved her being let off the public vote. I guess having a face like Charley’s is punishment enough.

Poor old Carole, the woman is reduced to eating slops, and Tracey is bumming in the Phat Stack, cos it aint gravey no more. Billi is wanking off to his own reflection. The twins are plotting a cunning plan, to overtake the world, and Chiggy are being as repellent as ever. To be honest, I am losing the will to live. I’m being seduced over to BBC by the series Rome. All the lesbian action a girl could want, with murder and intrigue, politics and bestiality. Another bonus, there are some mighty hot women in the series too!

I will get over my BB slump, we all have them, like a long-term relationship, it peaks and troughs. I am sure as soon as I see the secret cave opened, it will become addictive again.

I called Madame Du Pravee with my BB blues concern, and she did a channelling session on my behalf. Expecting Shakespeare to come through, she was shocked to have channelled the spirit of Janis Joplin. It seems that Shakespeare is still smarting over the Brian comment, and is spending his time in the hallowed halls of Wimbledon haunting the Ladies locker room.

Janis was in fine fettle. She hinted that” upstairs” as they call it, have a show similar to Big Brothers Big Mouth, in which they discuss BB. Nostradamus hosts it, but apparently, he does not let anyone get a word in and is always saying, “Told you so!” Nostradamus had this to say about Friday’s eviction

The house will be stripped of its forces by fraud,
The bathroom blockaded, passages for the spy;
Two false friends will come to a slanging match
And awaken hatred for a long time dormant.

Mr X and I are meeting on Friday as big things are afoot, hopefully the antibiotics and cream will have soothed Mr X’s affliction by then.