Big Brother's Big Lesbian: Spoon me Pooh!

Move over Davina, there is a new lesbian pin up in town that goes by the name of Thaila Zucchi.

Last night I had the terrible chore of going to Big Brother’s Big Mouth. My BB friend, Cow, escorted me, as I have a phobia of driving to the Hanger Lane roundabout unaided.

Cow is like a South African TOM TOM, she guided me expertly round the streets of London. I think secretly she might be a dominatrix, and just likes to tell me what to do! Cow is not her real name, but she is in the witness protection scheme, so it would be remiss of me to reveal her real identity. Apparently, she happened upon someone stealing 10,000 dildos from the back of an Anne Summers truck, and has been in the programme ever since, as they threatened her with death by evil means. She has told me the person is famous, hence the brouhaha, but wont tell me who. All she has ever said is “think Eastenders and fake brain tumour”

Madame Du Pravee was already there when we arrived, schmoozing in the green room with Dane Bowers and junior Simpson, drinking champagne, whilst I had to do the grunt work.
She had told me earlier, that she had met up with Mr X, who was in Elstree on a mission I had sent him on. Rumour has it that the twins are in fact just a projected hologram that is beamed into the BB house, so he went to investigate. He dressed up as a BB employee and infiltrated in inner sanctum of the BB hub. He said he found it easier breaking into the Pentagon, than BB, but managed it. Once inside he spotted a door that said “Twin Hologram Projection Room”, but Vin Diesel and two snarling rottweilers guarded it, so he could go no further. Evidenced deemed inconclusive.

Anyway, I am digressing from the crux of the matter. After watching the main BB show with 41 other BB fans, squashed in an impossibly hot room, under the penetrating watchful eye of Whippet, we moved to the BBBM studio.

Now, I am sure it is hard to try to keep a live show going, and coax a studio audience all at the same time, but Thaila managed it. She put a rambling Shabnam, who was a phone caller into the show, back into her spaceship as well. Shabnam, why oh why do you still plague us? I watched the series V (google anon) I know that Shabnam possibly eats small rodents for breakfast, whilst trying to overtake the world, or in this case, the celebrity world. Therefore, Thaila, I salute you!

Now I must set a very good scene for all of you who have asked me about Thaila. After the show, even though Whippet had told us NOT to take photos, else she would behead us with a blunt Stanley knife, I rebelled, and under fear of death by beheading, or at least a nasty tetanus infection, broke ranks and approached Miss Zucchi.

Diva readers, you do not know what I do for you. I toil hour after hour in my bleak cold flat, writing the BBBL blog. I asked Thalia if she would not mind having a photo taken with BBBL, as I write a lesbian blog for Diva Magazine. Most people in the public eye recoil when they hear the word lesbian, Thaila to her credit was a good sport, and we even “snuggled” for authenticity.
I was slightly distracted by the suede thigh boots, and impossibly tiny waist, but its all for you Diva Readers…the things I have to do! I will try to find out where she will be appearing next; for all of you that are interested in her career (or is it her thigh boots I wonder?) Watch this space.

On a slightly different note. I was horrified to see poor Brian crying into his harmonica, after Charley had unleashed her bile again. Is BB condoning bullying? I kept hearing last night that Charley is entertainment. Are we that starved as a TV viewing British public for entertainment, that we mistakenly believe Charley to be good value? I do not, and I have my holy water and crucifix waiting for when she is booted!

BBBL