Priscilla the White Witch of Islington called Mr X and me on Tuesday requesting a meet at Camden Lock. I have never been a fan of Camden, after I had my car towed and impounded, and had to beg a woman not dissimilar to Charley, to believe that the car did belong to me, and that having all the vehicle registration documents, car keys, ownership papers, was in fact, a pretty good indication of my honesty.
I still shiver at the thought of that woman. Several rounds of hypnosis still haven’t shifted that fear. I wonder how many of the housemates will end up in therapy after BB8, to rid them of the torture of Charley? All they really need is a colonic…that would do the trick.
Therefore, Priscilla, Mr X and I were all huddled under an impossibly small umbrella, for our clandestine little meet. I have a phobic fear of Joss Sticks, another reason to despise Camden. Priscilla, is a world expert on exorcisms, and has bought news back from Haiti. Twelve years ago, Charley’s family were given an artifact from an archaeological dig in Haiti, by a man called “The Rhino”
What they do not know is, this artifact, holds voodoo powers, and Charley, has unwittingly ingested the spirit of a Haiti prince, who died by unnatural causes. This explains the massive ego, feeling of being famous, and inability to allow others to speak first. Priscilla wants Mr X and me to scale the wall of the BB house, and perform the exorcism she has written out on a piece of goatskin, under the next full moon.
Well, I'm an altruistic type of person, but am inclined to let this one run it course. I have an alternative plan, for when Charley is evicted from the BB house, and this involves Sigourney Weaver, a shoulder held rocket launcher and two tonnes of Somerset manure.
So, Laura our Welsh kebab eating friend is up for the public vote, along with Chanelle. This is a tough call. Chanelle, if she’s booted out, will at least be able to set up The Spice Girls Tribute band, and do a reunion tour. Laura, will go back to her morgue doing make up on the stiffs. Let’s be honest, dead people can’t complain about her atrocious make up, so she might get away with it. I’m torn, I would like to see Chanelle stay, but think that Ziggy has stolen any chance for her, I would like to see Laura go, purely because I want to know if her eviction outfit will include the leopard print dressing gown.
I must make a confession; I actually shed a tear at BB. I hated myself for it afterward, if that helps. It was Jonathan wanting to be with his mum, at the funeral of his grandma, and saying “no fame is worth this”. Could it be that they BB bosses actually picked someone with a clear view that BB is just a game show. Good luck to you Jonathon…Vulcan or not!!
I’ve had a relapse on my BB slump, it’s much like Malaria; it goes away for a few days, and then rages back with full venom. I think Charley’s dybbuk is suppressing the other housemates potential, hence why BB is a bit boring this year. I’m on BBBM tonight, I’m going to yell over the garden of the house “find that bloody secret room, and the hidden washing machine you gits, I’m sick of watching you mangling your smalls”
More from Madame Du Pravee, Mr X, Shakespeare and me on Friday, until then “be safe out there” BBBL
9 comments:
The Grell thinks you are most amusing.
Ive booked myself in for a quick colonic this weekend.. im pretty sure its not gonna be enuff to shift Charley but ill give it a go.. Personally i want the Welsh whinging wan(k)ger out!.. if i have to look at that sour faced misery much longer then im gonna be a stiff in need of making up and that is just not worth thinking about!!!...
Great Work BBBL..
C33x
Brill again BBBL...keep em coming
I didnt know they had hidden the washing machine. Shos how thick they are.
GET CHARLEY OUT
Hi All.
Once again, thanks for the encouragement. I need it, feel like Im running the London Marathon...and Im only quarter way through...
Looks like Wangers is on her way out tonight...serves her right, with the POOF gate scandal...well whimper..but we need to stand up and be counted
I have had inspiration though, from an unlikely source, so feel rejuvanated
BBBL
BBBL,
You seem to have a serious problem with charley's race that is seriously borderline racism. I guess thats why you can only come up with that Vodoo shit. Jesus Christ i guess you are associating Black people with vodoo? I find her annoying and repulsive as a person, but i don't think its big of you to insult her using those racial lines. I am sure you are intelligent enough to amuse your readers without going there. But then again, maybe you are responding to the demands of a racism lgbt community who read your blog. Not only charley, why insult Laura by her welsh roots? I think its disgusting. I suppose you propose the colonic as well because shit is brown? i am not seeing anything you write about English housemates insulting their roots, i am sure you could come up with it if you tried. Don't be racist, I am sure you can put ya point across which are usually putting down housemates and amuse your audience without racial connotations? Again i still am buffled why people laugh and enjoy the misfortune of others? The human race has become depraved i tell you. It is the same as that era when they used to visit the lunatic asylum for fun. Sad human beings.
@anon...
Where is there a comment about Charleys race? I think uve misread soemthing and taken it out of context or maybe ur just looking for a racial angle.. im not sure but ur way off track.
The facts are quite simple..black and white... Charley is a nasty lil scroat that no one likes.. nothing to do with what colour her skin is!!
U seem to have a bit of an agenda here and im not sure it has anything to do with the big brother or this blog!
The Blog is a satirical piss take of everything that is big brother.. of course putting the housemates down is funny!!.. they are there to be laughed at.. the whole point of BB is to humiliate idiots who want to be famous for being famous!! or am i missing the point?
C33
Dear Anon.
In response to your comment that I am borderline racist, and have a problem with Charley's race.
Firstly, seeing as this is a serious acccusation to make, let me tell you that in no way, have i inferred any racist comment here. If you look at the style of my writing, you will see that I use different types of made up scenarios, as at times BB can be boring to write about in a straight up fashion. I have talked about shape shifting, aliens, incubus so am puzzled as to why Voodoo is racist? And as to the colonic....I think you have stretched that "is it because shit is brown" inferrring racism here...No its because Charley is a pain!!!! Laura, is Welsh, it is a fact. As for picking on the English housemates???? (Is Charley not English by the way) I have picked on them all!!!!
I am sorry that you felt this was rascism. It was not intented to be. I m sorry, but I dont even think of Charley as being black!!!! Shes just awful.end of!!
It will be a shame if I will not be able to write my blog anymore, because of a comment, that has been misrepresented.
I am sorry if I have caused you Anon, offense. This was not the intention, far from it. All I want to do is provide a quirky look at BB. It seems as though we are now in a country, where everything can be taken as offence! What a shame.
Please keep the blog going as it would be a real shame if you were bullied into stopping it, Racism no way, you just have such a quirky angle on life which is highlihted in you work. Whilst I agree watching a bunch of famous hungrey individuals is extremenly sad they should be laughed at, surely that is why they are there. Could we lock the door and never let them out.
Well BBBL fake week this week The whole programme is FAKE !!
Look forward to next blog.
just to say think your blog is a total laugh and keep it going as for anon comment !!NO WAY WAS THAT RACISM..
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